You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
