Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
