he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
