I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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