Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
