You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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