oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
