I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
