LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
