i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
