Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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