Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
