The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
be right there i have to get my cape
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
