I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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