you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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