I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
