apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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