I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
