so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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