Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
