A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
