The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
