she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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