New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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