she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
