my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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