May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
