that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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