Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
