where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
