And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
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What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize