She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
