she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
