I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
