your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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