Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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