Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
