Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
