Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
