My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
