How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
