Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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