that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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