im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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