yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
