She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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