Nicole vs. Life
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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