Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
