OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
