felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize