I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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