"it" just moved
Non-Jews are for practice
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
