Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
