For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
