My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
