found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
