I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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