we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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