Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
third nipple confirmed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
