the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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