I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
