apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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