There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
