Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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