before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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