Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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