So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
not ubering you a puppy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
