You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
