Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
