Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
